When should I enter into a relationship?

I am oftentimes asked the question: "When should I enter into a relationship?" People want to know when is the most opportune time. They want to know if it is when you feel like you are "in love" with someone. Is it when you feel like you want to be married? Is it when you feel a deep longing to have someone so you won't be lonely? What is it? When should you begin looking to be in a relationship?

I am not sure if you are going to like this answer, but the truth is sometimes a very hard pill to swallow. You should enter into a relationship with the opposite sex when you are ready for marriage. What does that mean? Let me explain it for you. A man (notice I did not say boy) should enter into a relationship with a woman (notice I did not say girl) when they are both prepared and ready to engage one another in a marriage covenant. The man should begin showing fruit of his masculinity. He will show fruit of responsibility, honor, trust, respect, humility, love, sacrifice, hard work, patience, joy, etc. The boy differs from the man because the boy is lazy, disrespectful, rude, impatient, wrathful, unwilling to sacrifice, selfish, etc. The boy chooses to buy new shoes or a new video game instead of paying his bills. Many girls marry the boy thinking they can change him. They also think it is fun to marry a "bad boy." Sadly, bad boys make bad husbands and bad fathers. Unfortunately, they cannot change an unregenerate man's heart. Only God can change that man and produce fruit that wasn't able to be produced before. The boy makes excuses instead of making things happen. The boy needs a human to be close around to make sure he is doing what he needs to do, but the man can be trusted to do the job he's been assigned with little to no supervision. The woman will show fruit of humility, submission, honor, virtue, loyalty, modesty, wisdom, hard work, etc. The girl is more focused on going to the party or buying a new handbag instead of using her time to care for her home. The woman puts away childish things, and directs her focus to becoming more motherly, charitable, honorable, and respectable. She doesn't desire a "bad boy" because she's focused on serving our good, holy God.

The man and the woman should begin to show fruit of their maturity. Then, and only then, are they truly ready to engage the opposite sex for a relationship. Does this mean both the man and woman are perfect when they begin the relationship? Absolutely not. However, it does mean they are working towards perfection by maturing and allowing godly fruit to produce within them. They abstain from sexual immorality, turn away from temptation, and honor God instead of their flesh. Salvation can be seen in their life by the fruit that is produced within them through and by their faith in Jesus Christ.

On the other hand, a boy and girl engages in a relationship for recreation. It is immature fun for them. That is why they treat it as if it has no importance. They will cheat on one another. They will lie to one another. They will mislead one another simply because they either have no focus, no true purpose, and/or no fruit of maturity. They do what children do, which is, do whatever they think is right to do.

My wife and I firmly stand by the tradition of courting. We believe guardians should be an intricate part of the relationship. The relationship should have boundaries, and it should be treated with respect. Children will not understand these truths. They will rebel, and they will seek to do what is in their own heart. So many marriages are destroyed today because two children decided to engage themselves in a relationship that is purposed for mature adults. Also, it hurts my heart to hear about a married couple who despise the children they birth. Honestly, why in the blue moon did they get married? Marriage is the institution purposed for reproducing children and raising those children in the fear and instruction of the Lord. If you do not want children or to honor God with the production of children, then please reconsider getting into a relationship. Your job, feelings, and all that other stuff should not take precedence over the established purpose of marriage. Again, children will not understand this truth, and their irresponsibility will lead them straight to ruin.

Simply put, if you do not show fruit of biblical maturity, not ready for children, or not ready to honor your spouse, and God, please do not get in a relationship. Do not take someone on the journey with you if you know in your heart that it will have a dead end. Let your life show fruit of your maturity. Seek to honor God in your singleness, and be passionately sold out to Him until a spouse has been presented to you. Consider these things as you continue your journey of life. God bless.
This post is by Cornelius Lindsey

Christian Dating Principles

 

1) Maximize your singleness for God.

Accept that you’re in a season of life that affords some freedoms and benefits you will not have if and when you marry. It is a good season to finish yo...ur education, increase your theological knowledge, travel to serve in missions, give time to your church, work long hours to establish your career, and pay off any debt you may have accrued. In short, invest your single years in a way that they later pay a great return. Do not waste them.

2) Do not pursue a serious relationship until you are ready to marry.

There are many reasons why people should, for a season, devote their energies to something other than finding a spouse. Getting biblical counseling to overcome a habitual sin such as pornography or substance abuse, maturing as a Christian if they are a new or immature convert, or simply moving out of their parents’ home and taking on adult responsibilities are all good reasons to delay a serious relationship until a better season of life. Basically, until people are mature enough to marry, they should not be in a serious romantic relationship but should use their energies to mature.

3) Be reasonable.

Do not set your expectations too high or too low. If you set your expectations too low, you may marry and be miserable, having made the biggest mistake of your life. If you set your expectations too high, you may never marry, or you may marry the person you think you want but who may not be the one God would consider best for you. I discourage Christian singles from having too long a list of what they are looking for in a spouse. The truth is that most of these lists are simply idolatrous because they are comprised of the seekers’ resume and what they like and do, as if the goal of marriage is to find someone just like them rather than someone different from them so that together they can learn to love and serve one another. Few men are looking for a widowed, broke, and homeless gal from a family noted for incest who is a recent convert with a bitter mother-in-law in tow. But her name is Ruth, and Boaz was blessed to marry her, and through her came Jesus.

4) You should be in a romantic relationship with only one person at a time.

Ultimately, the goal of a Christian not called to singleness is not to have a boyfriend or girlfriend but to have a spouse. It is cruel to date multiple people at one time, having them compete for your affections. Furthermore, it is better preparation for adultery than it is for a covenant marriage.

Article by: Tinashe Maruta

For couples in courtship - Praying together

 

Praying is not always easy, but it is vitally important in our Christian walk. Likewise, if we want it in our relationship, we have to make a point to do it. Prayer won’t magically happen on its ...own. You have to take the time to discuss it with your boyfriend or girlfriend and establish a prayer routine you can stick to.

Wait! You might say,

Isn’t that risky? People say that praying together will cause us to stumble.”

I know I’ve heard it whispered around church circles. Older couples encourage “Keep your purity by not praying together.” I’ve even heard peers say, “If you pray together, you’ll grow too intimate spiritually and emotionally. You should just wait until you get married to do that.”

But something about that argument doesn’t seem right. We pray with church acquaintances, neighbors, friends, and sometimes even with complete strangers. But praying with our boyfriend/girlfriend is off limits? That doesn’t make sense. God encourages his children to pray together. “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer” (Acts 2:42).

Before we marry, the person we are dating is our brother or sister in Christ. If praying at church with a group of acquaintances is okay, how can it be wrong to pray with the person who may one day be our spouse?

A dating/courting couple should be trying to discern whether they can serve God better together or apart. To figure this out, they need prayer—and lots of it! But how can a couple grow together spiritually if they do not pray together? How can a girl experience her boyfriend’s spiritual leadership if he never leads her in prayer?

If prayer is what holds marriages together, isn’t it a healthy habit to set up before marriage and even before engagement? We can’t expect to jump into a powerful prayer life once the pastor to says, “You may now kiss the bride.”

With that said, here are three ways to keep prayer pure:

1) Pray in a safe place. Praying alone in a room with the door shut and the lights dim with no one else around probably is not a good idea with any person of the opposite sex—especially with someone you’re in love with! Consider praying in a public area like a table at Starbucks, at mid-day in a busy park, or at home in the living room while there are others in the kitchen a few feet away. Or, think about going on a prayer walk around the neighborhood.

2) Pray over the phone. Praying over the phone provides a physical boundary, yet allows you to connect at any time of the day. You can call and say, “Hey, I might have the opportunity at lunch today to share the gospel with my co-worker. Will you pray for me really quick?” You can lift each other up and encourage each other in brotherly love.

3) Pray with wisdom. Some of you may be a few years into your relationship, while others might be only three weeks into the relationship. Either way, it is important to remember that God may not call the two of you to marriage. For this reason we have to guard our hearts, even in prayer. So share prayer requests with discernment according to the state of your relationship. For example, an engaged couple will share more personal things than if a couple who has only been together for a few months. If you have difficulty figuring out if something would be appropriate to share, ask your parents, your pastor, or another strong Christian couple you know for advice. They will be happy to help.

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Colossians 4:2).

"Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints” (Ephesians 6:18).